life right now

i think people might of notice that i have not been blogging alot lately and that i have been keeping to myself. well alot of stuff has been going on in my life that sadly i can’t say online or i could get into alot of crap,

but i can say that since this crap has happened i have been having probs with my anxiety and been feeling low again. i have notice that…

  1. i have been eating alot of junk and i know this sounds silly but i try to stop but i can’t.
  2. i’m emotional and one min i’m happy as pie but next i’m crying and sad but i don’t understand why.
  3. i’ve been having nightmares and because of this i’m having about 4 to 5hour of sleep.
  4. i’m started to block people away from me because i feel like everyone is talking crap about me. i’m only talking to family and boyfriend.
  5. i only leave my home when i need to BUT i am going out around town at some point because my fella thinks it be good for me to see friends.
  6. everytime i go outside anywhere i feel like i’m gonna walk into people i really don’t want to see (reason why i like being at home).
  7. sometimes i get very stressed till a point i’m making myself ill with worry and stress.

right now i just want to sort myself out and don’t worry i will be blogging again.

health update

well after a hard long think and a chat with family… i’m gonna be taking a break from facebook and i’ve got to start thinking about who i call friends but don’t worry still be blogging .

on Tuesday night i had some drama again but this time it ended up with me in tears and I started to feel very low and at breaking point. i think people by now will click on that i have not been well and i’m kind of sick of telling people that i’m fine. my stress levels are high, i can’t sleep, tummy probs,low days, nightmares and on top of that my hair is falling out and going abit grey. it’s also not been the best year for me with the family dog passing, work, money, ex’s, friends aka drama. i badly need to sort out my head and fix up my health and on top of that Santa is coming and i want to be happy not feeling ill.

i’m gonna have a month off facebook  but could be longer if needed.

i’m hurt but i be ok

31hh0u5g3gL._SL500_first i want to say sorry for not doing any blogs for some days. i deleted my last blog i had on here but something very hurtful happened to me and my heart is hurting right now (nothing to do with my son). i have done nothing but cry for 4days in a row, don’t want to eat and i can’t sleep. i even talked to this person on Wednesday and said we can only say hello but sadly the next day i thought about it and i can’t do that because i love him and it hurts and there is to much water now under the tunnel.  so i’m just going to not talk to him anymore and move on. my family and friends are being so nice to me and i have to admit i have been feeling like doing something bad but i just have to look at liam to keep my mind form thinking about hurting myself.

today i have not cried  but i still feel the pain. i did something kind of odd. i started to read MY LIFE STORY book i have been doing for 3years now. i thought no keys don’t read it or your going to get upset but nope… after reading it i thought why am i crying.

i might feel very broken right now but life has to move on and it will get better. It just takes time.

feeling low

first day back at work and i ended up crying in the loo’s all because of that one person going round telling people i’m a hurtful bitch. i had people putting there nose’s in the air and pushing past me. i even had a family i have known since i was 12 blank me out but his son came up to me and gave me a hug and asked if i was ok. soon as i got home i just went into my room and cried into a pillow.  people are telling me not to listen and not to let people get to me but sometimes its just so hard.

i’m never going onto facebook again after this false allegation and people wonder why i keep to myself.

what a sodding morning

well i had a fun morning.

the lady who sadly lost her daughter came out her house and asked me if i said anything on facebook. well i said yes but i only put i was sad and shocked. well she went crazy on me and started to yell at me saying that i put her childs name all over the internet (but i do not know there names). i told her that i have not and if i have upset you i’m sorry. she then started to shout out she was going to ring up the police on me. i mostly would of not give a crap about this because the woman has alot going on but WHEN SHE WAS YELLING RIGHT NEXT TO MY SON (O_O). i got hold of liam’s hand and just left her yelling at me. liam asked me what was that about and i told him we are just not friends anymore. i found out when i got home that some silly person had put the womans name on my fb page so i deleted the status and deleted a hell of alot of people and i even left a new status. my mom and dad said don’t worry about it because you have done nothing wrong and if she yells at you again saying stuff like this report her to the police. my mother took me out to a have a coffee and went around the charty shops and when we was in the shop two ladys where talking about the woman hmmmm wonder if i will be blamed for that (O_O). 

 well i had a fun morning. i just had my neighbour having a right go at me next to my son all because someone had told her that i have put her childs name all over my facebook page. like i said to the lady i did put something online but i did not say her name (because i didn’t no her name). she kept yelling at me when i was walking away and at the same time saying she was going to ring the police on me for putting her childs name all over the internet.

I spent 2hours last night in tears thinking about what had happened so having this woman yelling at me made me feel more crap.
Because of this I have deleted a lot of people off my fb page (was going to delete page but to many photos). Thank you for blacking my name and making me sound like a hurtful bitch to everyone in meltham.

ps i had depression for 4 years after i had my son ….i’m not going to do anything stupid but i will say always be careful when you try to talk poop about stuff like this…. right now i’m just in shock and feeling sick.

feeling so crappy

i do not understand what is up with me this week. one min i can be happy as pie but next min i feel like crying and i feel like my head is about to go bang. i have even got to a point when i just turn off the tv and put on my headphone’s on and head into keys land (dream land) because i feel happy there.

i went to town today with my fella and i felt happy because this man always makes me smile. on the way home i got a phone call saying i’m not working tomorrow and my days have changed again. i told my son that he was going to be staying at his nans tonight so when it was time to pick him up from school he was upset to be told he was not going now. soon as it hit 5pm i went into my bedroom and sat on the bed and just cried.

i don’t want to hear any bad news tomorrow. i feel like turning off my phone and blocking everyone out just so i can clean my mind but i’m worried that work are going to try and ring me asking why i’m not there after being told not to come in. 😦

so stressed

39_shirt_1270333033_wwf_wrestling_pandas_shirt_largeits only sodding Tuesday and i’m having a poop week.

1st – liam lost his school jumper so now i have to buy a new one.

2nd – my boyfriends motor bike went up in flames when he was riding it home from work (he’s ok but in shock).

3rd – been told by a worker that my hours/days might change again (O_O).

4th – i want to see a nurse but been told i have to wait till next Wednesday.

arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr