hello again

well this feels very odd to be writing a blog. i think it has been a month since i put up a post about how i was feeling and i think it be good to just say that i am feeling fine and keeping to myself. i even went out on halloween (night clubbing). i do keep having thoughts that something bad is gonna happen to me everytime i’m not home but i’m working on trying to not worry about stuff like that.

the only prob i have been having is that i keep going dizzy to a point i had to take a sick day on thursday because i just felt like i was just gonna fall over. i went to work yesterday but had chest pain so took everything slowly so i won’t be sick on anything lol. i’m gonna try and book to see a doctor on monday to see what is going on because this also happened to me 2week ago.

oh and i did find out some news yesterday about a ex friend of mine trying to help someone who made my life very uncomfortable so i went and blocked them.

life right now

i think people might of notice that i have not been blogging alot lately and that i have been keeping to myself. well alot of stuff has been going on in my life that sadly i can’t say online or i could get into alot of crap,

but i can say that since this crap has happened i have been having probs with my anxiety and been feeling low again. i have notice that…

  1. i have been eating alot of junk and i know this sounds silly but i try to stop but i can’t.
  2. i’m emotional and one min i’m happy as pie but next i’m crying and sad but i don’t understand why.
  3. i’ve been having nightmares and because of this i’m having about 4 to 5hour of sleep.
  4. i’m started to block people away from me because i feel like everyone is talking crap about me. i’m only talking to family and boyfriend.
  5. i only leave my home when i need to BUT i am going out around town at some point because my fella thinks it be good for me to see friends.
  6. everytime i go outside anywhere i feel like i’m gonna walk into people i really don’t want to see (reason why i like being at home).
  7. sometimes i get very stressed till a point i’m making myself ill with worry and stress.

right now i just want to sort myself out and don’t worry i will be blogging again.

bye september

september has gone and it’s time to start a new month and lets pray it’s better than the last month. sadly i can not say what went down last month but i can say that..

  1. some people are proud of me and some people have just stopped talking to me because i finally talked.
  2. some people talk alot of crap about me.
  3. i hate rumours.

i just hope that this month is gonna be so much better and less stress. i’m trying so hard to just keep to myself and just trust my family and fella

the NHS is a bloody joke

i have been feeling low for about 3weeks and today i thought ok i’m gonna go see a doctor and see if they can help me out. i went in to book and nope no-one can see me. when i was walking out the building someone asked me if i was ok and sadly i had to hold my tears and say i’m fine.

i can’t say what is going on in my life right now but i feel like i’m gonna go bang.

yep life

Image may contain: 2 people, people standing and outdoorwow i wish i could tell you about my week but i can only say that i spent my wednesday night with my head down the loo, can’t forget having the poops and having nose bleeds oh and can’t forget not been sleeping.

the only good thing what has happened this week is that i had a meeting with school and now i’m aloud to look into special needs school (been fighting for years for this).

today i made my mind up that i need a chill day so took liam to the meltham fun fair and spent £20 in a hour but it was lovely to see his face. oh and part of his xmas gift came today (The Legend of Zelda: The Breath of the Wild  and Splatoon 2).

what a week

got to admit that this week has sucked monkey balls. just one simple thing can mess up your week and make you feel like a bug under a boot.

i made my mind up that saturday was gonna be a fun day and forget about what happened this week. took liam and scott to town and wow they do both make me laugh but if i hear i want to go home one more time i’m gonna scream lol.

this morning was not fun. i woke up at 3am to scott snoring his head off. it got to a point when i got my pillow and red blanket and slept on liam’s floor. i was woken up at 7:30am to liam hitting me with teddys thinking that i was a monster on his floor 0.0.